dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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