omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Randomize
