All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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