My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
The feeling are messing with the penis
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
