Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Randomize
