If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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