ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Randomize
