we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Randomize
