I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
areolas are like halos for boobs.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Randomize
