so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Randomize
