We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Randomize
