my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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