wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
