He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
