I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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