im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
