I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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