I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
Moan for me like Helen Keller
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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