she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Drake has all the answers
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
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