I'm so fucking centered right now
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
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