So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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