Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
