yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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