wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Randomize
