I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
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1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
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We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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