For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
