Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
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