alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
