once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
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