Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
I love you. Go after that dick
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