You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
