Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
