just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
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