New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Randomize
