Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
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Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
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