So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
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I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Holy sore nipples Batman
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
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I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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