some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
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