So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
