If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Randomize
