I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
