We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Randomize
