you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Randomize
