Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Randomize
