If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize