never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
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