is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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