Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
