I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
