is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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