I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
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