words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Still dying that you shit outside
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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