where am i from again
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
