is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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