im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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