Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize