I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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