haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
how do flat chested girls get laid?
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
