i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize