I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
She needs sedatives and a leash
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
