My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
