mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
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