I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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