New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
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Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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