remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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