we have pet lesbian snakes
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
