dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
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