I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
I stole a fireplace last night.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Randomize
