it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
Randomize
