thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
