My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Randomize
