Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
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